People who know me now are always surprised when they hear I grew up with a major stuttering problem. Every day my ability to feel normal or interact with the world around me was tainted by this psychological disorder. I thought my social life was doomed forever.....
I remember rarely starting a sentence without sounding mentally handicapped. Since I could not complete the word hello, I had to invent a system to answer the phone. A caller would often be greeted with a creepy voice uttering, "Hheh.. heh.. heh.. heh.. hehhh." I would hang up hoping they would think they had the wrong number. I tried for a while greeting callers with, "yea?" But then I sounded rude and indifferent, or just too swedish. Finally I discovered tapping. When the phone rang I would give 3 taps in a rhythmic fashion, then say hello on time, like a rap. On the third round I picked up the phone right on the beat. It went, tap, tap, tap, "hello," tap, tap, tap, "hello," tap, tap, tap, (quick phone pick up) "hello!" The only thing they heard was a normal, confident, cool, and collected guy saying "hello." What I knew was that these traits did not exist in my world.
Today, I enjoy public speaking. I have shared my story with numerous crowds. Stuttering somehow got stuffed away. I never saw it as a big root in my journey. Maybe it is. How did I ever become so shut down, so locked up, that I feared speaking? Searching my soul, the answers vary. Black sheep syndrome? Short twin-itis? Late puberty? ADHD below average student behind brilliant older brother valedictorian? Acute loneliness? There certainly are other valid issues to explore. Early on however, I only really remember vaguely existing somehow in a world where other lives seemed to matter and mine felt, well.., in the way. I was locked up, scared to death of not being well received. I wanted to be free.
So how did I ever get free? In my journey I discovered that alcohol became one key to unlock the soul. This freedom, however, would not come without a price.
Have you ever considered submitting the above image for Awkward Family Photos? Just a thought.
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